Vaters Beratung

17 November 2014

Architektur… Was für ein Fach!

Manchmal denke ich, dass nur Interesse wahrscheinlich nicht genug ist um erfolgeich zu 

sein. Mein Projekt für dieses Semester ist wieder nicht geschafft. Die meisten in meinem 

Studiengang haben schon angefangen das Projekt zu bauen.

Manchmal denke ich, dass das Mädchen, das früher sehr intelligent war nicht mehr da ist. 

Ich bin nicht mehr so intelligent wie ich es einst war.

Ich suche wieder wer ich bin.

Oh Entschuldigung, ich habe ganz vergessen mich vorzustellen. 

Ich bin Adelaide Lauritzen. Ich bin zwanzig Jahre alt und bin jetzt im vierten Semester an 

einer berühmten Universität. Mein Studiengang gehört zur Fakultät Architektur.

Meine Mutter war eine Professorin in Englisch Literatur an der gleichen Universität. Heute 

ist sie in Rente. Jeden Tag liest sie Büchern mit einer Tasse Kaffee. Ihre Lieblings… 

Mein Vater war ein Architekt. Der beste Architekt auf der ganzen Welt! Zumindest für mich. 

Seit sechs Jahren ist er nicht mehr da. Ich vermisse ihn sehr. 

Also! Aus diesem Grund bin ich richtig gut in Englisch, weil ich manchmal mit 

meiner Mutter Zuhause englisch rede. Ich lese gerne englischer Bücher. Früher 

dachte ich, dass ich wahrscheinlich Englisch Literatur studieren werde. Aber als ich 

volljährig war, habe ich gedacht, dass es wahrscheinlich besser ist als Hobby zu behalten.

Zeichnen. Mag ich eigentlich nicht so gerne. Trotzdem, meine Zeichnungen sind auch nicht 

so schlecht. Aber ich finde es immer interessant zu sehen, wie man ein Gebäude 

schön und gleichzeitig stabil bauen kann. Schließlich entschiede ich mich dazu Architektin 

zu werden.

Dieser Weg, diese Wahl ist auf jedem Fall nicht so einfach. Manchmal denke ich, vielleicht

habe ich mein altes Ich verloren. Oder ich bin nicht so intelligent und nicht 

qualifiziert für Architektur. Es gab Zeiten in denen ich mich traurig fühlte. Wahrscheinlich 

habe mich falsch entschieden. Ich möchte es meiner Mutter erzählen, aber ich habe Angst. 

Nicht, weil sie sonst verärgert ist, sondern, dass sie sich Sorgen um mich macht.

Ich überlege immer was mein Vater sagen würde, wenn er dies wüsste. 

Plötzlich, erinnere ich mich an ein früheres Ereignis. Ich war neun. Meine Mutter 

hattet damals zu mir gesagt, dass wir einkaufen gehen sollten. Ich musste mitgehen um zu 

helfen. Zu diesem Zeitpunkt war ich nicht so sicher, warum ich keine schöne Kleidung 

angezogen hatte. Danach sagte ich zu meiner Mutter, dass ich andere Kleidung tragen 

möchte. Aber meine Mutter meinte, wir müssen jetzt gehen. Mein Vater kam 

dazu und sagte: „Erinnerst du noch als du gedacht hast, dass du hässlich bist? Es wird 

immer jemand anderes geben, der hässlicher ist als du. Wenn du denkst, dass du schön 

bist, wird es immer jemanden geben, der schöner ist als du.“

Wenn ich nochmal nachdenke, glaube ich, dass er mir eine Lektion über das Leben

lehren wollte. Aber ich war zu jung. Er suchte eine einfache Analogie, um es mir zu 

erklären. Jetzt verstehe ich es. 

Es ist eigentlich ein einfache Lebensprinzip, das die Leute immer vergessen. Wenn wir 

denken, wir sind schlecht in etwas, wird es immer jemanden geben, der schlechter ist 

als man selbst. Wenn wir in etwas gut sind, es gibt immer jemanden, der besser ist. 

Niemals sind wir am schlechtesten oder am besten.  Mit andere Worten, ich beschreibe es 

als dankbar. Akzeptieren uns selbst und was wir haben. Aber natürlich können wir immer 

versuchen, besser als gestern zu werden. Jeder versucht der Beste zu 

werden. Jeder. Jetzt erkenne ich. 

Also warum sitze hier und beschwerte mich über den Weg, den ich gewählt habe? Warum 

denke ich, dass ich nicht gut genug bin? Ist mein Projekt nicht gut genug, dann mache 

ich nochmal bis der Professor sagt, dein Projekt ist am besten! 

Ja, am besten an der ganzen Universität. Nur an der Universität.. :)

Genau. Menschen haben immer Angst oder fühlen sich unsicher, wenn es Menschen 

gibt, die besser sind als wir selbst. Dann neigen wir zu dem Gefühl, dass wir nicht 

genug sind. Das ist bestimmt nicht der Fall. ;-)

.... Der Gott ändert nicht den Zustand eines Volkes, bis sie das 

ändern, was in ihnen selbst ist...

der Opa

About two months ago before I sat for my examination, I received a text from my Mom saying that my Grandpa was gravely ill. As soon as I read the news I was stunned. I didn't really know what to do. So I took ablution and prayed for him.

Few days later, I received another text from my Mom:
"Whatever news you'll hear about Atok (name that I use to call my Grandpa) next, don't be too shock. Everything that happens is God's will. Be strong! I'm afraid that you might not be able to take all this. Think about Atok's dream. Now he doesn't talk much anymore, occasionally he would cry. Pray for Atok and don't forget to study for your upcoming examinations."

The message was heart wrenching. I'd never expected that my Mom would send me such text. She sounded so willing to accept fate yet at the same time helpless. At that moment I prayed to Him,
" O' Allah, please only this time, give me the chance to see Atok because the last time I saw him, he was crying as his grandchild was going away to further her studies. I remembered Wan's smile. (Wan is the name I use to call my Grandma) 
She said to Atok, "You shouldn't cry. You should be happy as she's going to chase her dream!"
With that happy face and kisses smothered on my cheeks and forehead... I am going to remember that till forever. Wan passed away in June last year, three months after I left for Germany. It was when my TestDaF was just around the corner. (TestDaF is one of German language tests)  
Thank you very much Wan, for the sweet unforgettable last moment with you.

Back to Atok, few days after receiving the text I told myself I shouldn't be thinking about myself. I should pray to God to give what's best for Atok not what's best for me.
Somewhere in the text Mom mentioned Atok's dream. What's Atok's dream?
I live with Atok and Wan since I was young till I was twelve, Atok is someone who loves to read and write. From newspapers (New Straits Times to be specific) to storybooks to encyclopedia, he'll read anything under the sun. He always encourages his grandchildren to read. Yeah and this house was full of books and newspapers back then. Now there's still a lot left cause I guess I took after him. I just think so and that should be a good news.

Atok was a teacher by profession. A Malay language teacher. He loves to talk about history. The most boring conversation one would think but not for me then! Well you know kids love stories.
Atok's dream is to see his children, grandchildren and his future generation to be a knowledgeable people. I could see that and I'm sure of it. He neither talked about becoming rich, having great profession nor want his generations to be known. All this time what I heard from him was he's afraid to see how the youngsters these days do not care much about their own future. They don't like to study or read. So Atok is worried about the future leaders. At times I ask myself why would he care so much about the Nation? As time passed by I realize what's actually he's afraid of.
That's Atok. After all this time that was the Atok I knew.

Now back in Malaysia for the summer holiday, I choose to stay with Atok most of the time. As I'm writing this, I glanced at Atok. He's laying on his bed. Sometimes he frowns, sometimes he sleeps, sometimes he cries and most of the time he stared at the ceiling. I wonder what he's thinking. I know even if I asked him, he will not answer me. Even so, I continue talking to him.

God wills Atok, I will try to make your dream comes true, I'll keep on learning every single thing that will bring advantage to our  Nation. I'm not strong enough to do this alone, so Atok, Mom and all, please pray for us and the future of our Nation.

That is all for now Atok. Forgive me for all my wrong doings and forgive me for leaving you once again. Till we meet again,
Your grandchild.


P/s: To those who read this entry, appreciate your loved ones, your parents, grandparents and every single person around you so that there's no such thing as REGRET.

Sincere Confession

I always have such beautiful friends but I sometimes am too ignorant with their presence. I thought to myself that I don't deserve such friends. They are too kind that sometimes I thought what I did is just not good enough. I am not good in expressing my feelings through either word or actions. That is just who I am.

Deep down in my heart, I always appreciate every single person that came into my life. They are such great teachers that God sent to me to teach a life time lessons. Once a person became a friend, he or she will always be my friend although we don't exchange secrets or stories anymore. As I wrote this, I knew some of my friends won't be able to read this. I just hope one fine day, they'll come across this by any chance.

There are few things that I really wanted to say to my friends but I just can't say, I really want to have my friends around me but I can't because throughout friendships there's always obstacles that we have to overcome or sometimes obey.

Last but not least, I dedicated this post to all of my friends whether we are near or far, still contacting each other or not, best buddies or just know each other by chance or any possible situations that can occur, all I want is to say thank you and remember that there's always someone that appreciate you. They do. Just the situation makes them unable to show it.

Yours sincerely,

Afieqah Abd Latip

“Give back the things you have been entrusted with to the person who entrusted them to you.”

(GOING ALONE = LONELY) The End...

It had been a while since I last visited a friend's family until last Monday I went to a friend's house to celebrate her birthday. (well actually 'their' because they are twins).

It was nice to meet their family. 

Talk to their Mom, Dad, Uncle and Aunt... Eating Mom's cook. 

It reminded me of my own family and how was it at home.

To have someone to give you warm hug, to hold your hand asking; 

how have you been, how long will you stay here, how was everything going on. 

No one else could do that. No one else but parents. I really thanked my friends for letting me felt those feelings again. 

And of course it will be more meaningful to have your own parents doing that. But yeah...

When I first made the decision to stay alone, to study in a place where I knew no one (ganz allein). 

I really had no doubt in my decision. Even if I did, I doubt how was it that I am confident enough  with my decision. Of course I did Istikharah and so on to make sure of the decision I made. But still.. 

Most of my friends were shocked to find out about my decision. 

So I got those questions like: 

Are you sure?

Do you really think you can survive there? Alone?

Are there seniors gonna be with you?

Why?! Why do you want to go there?

I had received these questions thousands of times. Up till now. 

The only answer that I gave, were:

Because I want to be more independent and I want to try to live alone where there's no one knows me.

That's it. A simple answer. Sometimes when I didn't really feel like answering, I would just say:

I do it for fun.

Some of my friends were really supportive and encouraging saying that they believed I could go through the challenges.

Gehe Wege, die noch niemand ging, damit du Spuren hinterlässt.

( Taking road where there was no one so that you can leave your trace.)

I suddenly remembered 'The Road Not Taken'. It was indeed my favorite poem.

To be honest, there is one concrete answer that I keep safely in my heart. That I keep on repeat though it do not synchronize with the words that I utter.

I'm not going there alone. He's always there for me. 

If I make this decision, if I encounter problems in the future, there is only Him, who I can right away seek. Who will be the greatest help of all. I'm hoping that this is going to take me a step closer to Him.

Why didn't I tell this answer before? Why now? Why and why...

Because I had already been praised a lot before, for making this decision. Even that was difficult for me to handle. To stay down to earth. To keep saying 'Alhamdulillah'. Begging my Lord that I stay humble and taking all the credits as the words of encouragement. 

And I am writing this today as words of encouragement to other people. To convey to them that there will always be a great help if you patiently seek for it.

As I lived my life here, more and more answers came out for the question, why did I choose this path. 

Day by day, I might forgotten the REAL answer. But also, day by day I encountered new incident to lead me back to the REAL answer.

For someone who doesn't like to tell your problems to other people for it makes you feel more stress out, then tell Him everything. Everything that you keep within yourself. You will find the answers in thousands of beautiful forms.

More fluttering than the day you meet your first love.

More memorable than the day you kiss your bride.

More touching than the day you hug the little ones.

More feelings than you had ever had.

More than ever.

That is how it is.

I don't have any idea how it is going to be in the future. Whatever happens, however I change, how difficult things are, I pray to God to guide my steps. For indeed ease accompanies hardships. 

And if God touches you with harm, none can remove it but He, and if He touches you with good, then He is able to do all things. And He is the Irresistible, above His slaves, and He is the All-Wise, Well Acquainted with all things.

Aeroplane! Aeroplane! Will you come and fetch me?

This morning before I went to class, I brought out the aeroplane models that I bought when I was in Miniatur Museum, Hamburg. As I assembled them, I remembered an old conversation that I had with my uncle when he brought me and his daughter to watch the departure of flights in KLIA (Kuala Lumpur International Airport). I was a very little girl back then but I was still tall though. 

I want to become a steward when I grow up! They are beautiful, tall and kind.

Yeah you can. You are going to be tall enough to a become steward.. But the salary of the aircraft maintenance engineer is higher than steward you know.

Really?! Then I am going to become an aircraft engineer! Because I will get more money...

But still, stewardess are beautiful...

Actually if you become a pilot, you will get more money. You will fly and navigate aircraft. 

Okay.. I'll become a pilot.

Now as I thought about it, children, they always change their dreams and ambitions according to what they think are the best. They are easily affected by their surroundings. 

Well yeah.. I don't have a child. I just speak in a view of a teenage who was once child.

I also remembered another old story when I was in GMi (German Malaysian Institute).

My friends and I, we were at the night market. (Jalan Reko to be exact.) Then we passed by a so called toy stall or something like that. And there were a lot of airbus models. Then few of my friends said;

Why don't we buy this? And make it as a motivator to boost our spirit to get good grades in A-level.

To be honest I was afraid. There were times when I thought I would not make it to Germany even how hard I tried. So I don't buy the airbus model even though I really wanted to have it. I just don't want to give myself hope. Because again.. I was afraid I might hurt myself. What I had is only a piece of paper that we got during our Orientation Week that I folded to become an origami aeroplane that I sticked to my soft board in front of my study desk. On this origami aeroplane I wrote Germany and drew an Audi symbol. My motivator...

I was just an ordinary girl and I am still an only ordinary girl. I'm neither someone who is good in language like my Mom nor a great Mathematician like my Dad. I just can't really find what is my real talent. 

Should I become a writer? Okay forget about it. I'm studying engineering anyway. ;) But not aviation.

I felt lucky actually for the fact that the day had came when I boarded on the Airbus to go to the place where I would make my dreams come true. I am no longer the one who sent people away as I am the one who is going away. 

Friends of my age. Some of them they might think I'm lucky. They might think it's great. They might think I gonna have a real new life. Open minded. Stylish. Dandy. Heaven! You name it.

Well I admit it. It's great to go to a new country and learn how to be more independent. But besides that, I still struggle to speak more fluently and to understand the language here better. Hopefully one day I'll manage to become like a native speaker. 

Everyday when I wake up, I pray to God that hopefully today is a better day. As I wear my shoes I tell myself this shoes will bring me to a better place. As I open my door I tell myself people who saw me yesterday will see a better me today. As I walk to University I tell myself this ordinary girl is on her way to become a better person than who she was. That's how I live my life. And Alhamdulillah I am totally grateful and happy with it.

Lastly to those who are catching their dreams, don't always compare yourself with people. The one who you should compare yourself with is who you was yesterday. There's no need to envy anyone else as you don't know what they had gone through to be where they are.

'Greatness has to be earned the hard way.'

P/s: Actually as I assembled these models, I thought a lot of MH370. Let us all pray for the best. Amin

Brilliant Legacy

Yesterday I watched a Korean Drama called Brilliant Legacy. It’s a good drama. It’s about a family that runs a big soup business. It is very interesting; how the plot change and twist and all those conflicts. It taught me a lot about family value and loyalty. Well I recommend to watch this drama. :)

Talk about loyalty, I’m amazed by how loyal an employee can be towards his employer. And how a person that has no connection at all can be loyal towards each other. How your own family can betray you just because of money and how cold-hearted they are to throw you totally out of their life. 

As the drama went on, there were few scenes where the other characters were questioning; is that kind of loyalty possible? Or is there any hidden Agenda?

But the characters that showed this kind of great loyalty told the others; 'We are loyal because he/she (the persons that they are loyal to) had gave us a new life, a new hope and get rid of the loneliness that we once had.’

So basically it’s not only about loyalty but also love.

So I thought to myself; Wow, even these kind of persons do exist.

And I believe this scene or story is not only exist in a drama. And I absolutely respect this kind of people. It is so not easy to find but it’s not impossible.

I am a person who likes to think. Well it’s my hobby anyway. And what comes across my mind is...    

If a person can be that loyal towards another person. Why can’t he be that loyal towards their Creator?

It is possible, isn’t it?

*'Then celebrate the praise of your Lord and ask His forgiveness; surely He is oft-returning (to mercy).'

My 1st Answer

16 Jan 2014

Today I came across a question; What’s the difference between a Muslim and a non-Muslim. 

This question was given by a friend. Okay.. It started when we talked about her family. It’s a mix family and so on. So I told her that I have an uncle and a grandfather that got married with a Chinese and a Japanese.

And I told her that whenever anyone wanna get married with a Muslim, he or she have to convert. 

Then she asked me the question above. 

Without any further thinking, the first answer that came out from my mouth is; the Muslims pray 5 times a day.

To be honest, that was a very spontaneous answer.

She was shocked and asked me; Do you ever do that?

And I said; I do pray 5 times a day.

And she said; But I never know that you pray and never saw you do that.

Well, we spend most of our time together in the University. That’s why she can say that.

Then I asked her; Do you realize when we are having rest and I suddenly disappear? That’s the time I went to pray.

Well it’s my bad never let her know.

She told me that it was interesting and want to know more. And I just found out she’s a free-thinker, she has no religion. Then she asked me what do you believe. I said I believe in God but we can’t see God. 

So she said; Yes, we can't see God and how you manage to believe it?

I just told her that; If God is there, there’ll be no bad people, horrible accident, tragedy, murdering and so on happen. (Well basically we are walking back home and due to language circumstances, this is the best answer I can come out with.) 

For me it’s not really a good answer, so I waited for a provocative respond. Because honestly I’d met many people that’s a way too provocative when it comes to religion. But no. It did not occur. She just said, you are true.

And because we have to go our separate ways, I told her after examination, I gonna tell her more about my religion. 

She told me; Das mache ich gerne. Wenn wir spazieren gehen, kannst du mich über dein Religion mehr erklären. (It will be a pleasure if you can explain to me more about you Religion when we go for a walk)

I told her; Just don’t worry. I’ll happily explain it to you but I’m not going to force you to believe in what I believe. 

Her answer kinda surprise me; I would love to hear your story and explanation  but I’m not sure if I can practice them and become a Muslim too.

I smiled and said; I’ll surely try my best explaining to you everything I know.

With that, I already have something to do in my holiday.

P/s: We have to explain correctly whenever we are being asked about Islam. We are lucky to be born as a Muslim. And for those who are not, they have the right to know. Whether they are going to believe or not, to follow or not, that’s just not our work. 

Hidayah itu milik Allah. (Guidance comes from God)