It was nice to meet their family.
Talk to their Mom, Dad, Uncle and Aunt... Eating Mom's cook.
It reminded me of my own family and how was it at home.
To have someone to give you warm hug, to hold your hand asking;
how have you been, how long will you stay here, how was everything going on.
No one else could do that. No one else but parents. I really thanked my friends for letting me felt those feelings again.
And of course it will be more meaningful to have your own parents doing that. But yeah...
When I first made the decision to stay alone, to study in a place where I knew no one (ganz allein).
I really had no doubt in my decision. Even if I did, I doubt how was it that I am confident enough with my decision. Of course I did Istikharah and so on to make sure of the decision I made. But still..
Most of my friends were shocked to find out about my decision.
So I got those questions like:
Are you sure?
Do you really think you can survive there? Alone?
Are there seniors gonna be with you?
Why?! Why do you want to go there?
I had received these questions thousands of times. Up till now.
The only answer that I gave, were:
Because I want to be more independent and I want to try to live alone where there's no one knows me.
That's it. A simple answer. Sometimes when I didn't really feel like answering, I would just say:
I do it for fun.
Some of my friends were really supportive and encouraging saying that they believed I could go through the challenges.
Gehe Wege, die noch niemand ging, damit du Spuren hinterlässt.
( Taking road where there was no one so that you can leave your trace.)
I suddenly remembered 'The Road Not Taken'. It was indeed my favorite poem.
To be honest, there is one concrete answer that I keep safely in my heart. That I keep on repeat though it do not synchronize with the words that I utter.
I'm not going there alone. He's always there for me.
If I make this decision, if I encounter problems in the future, there is only Him, who I can right away seek. Who will be the greatest help of all. I'm hoping that this is going to take me a step closer to Him.
Why didn't I tell this answer before? Why now? Why and why...
Because I had already been praised a lot before, for making this decision. Even that was difficult for me to handle. To stay down to earth. To keep saying 'Alhamdulillah'. Begging my Lord that I stay humble and taking all the credits as the words of encouragement.
And I am writing this today as words of encouragement to other people. To convey to them that there will always be a great help if you patiently seek for it.
As I lived my life here, more and more answers came out for the question, why did I choose this path.
Day by day, I might forgotten the REAL answer. But also, day by day I encountered new incident to lead me back to the REAL answer.
For someone who doesn't like to tell your problems to other people for it makes you feel more stress out, then tell Him everything. Everything that you keep within yourself. You will find the answers in thousands of beautiful forms.
More fluttering than the day you meet your first love.
More memorable than the day you kiss your bride.
More touching than the day you hug the little ones.
More feelings than you had ever had.
More than ever.
That is how it is.
I don't have any idea how it is going to be in the future. Whatever happens, however I change, how difficult things are, I pray to God to guide my steps. For indeed ease accompanies hardships.
And if God touches you with harm, none can remove it but He, and if He touches you with good, then He is able to do all things. And He is the Irresistible, above His slaves, and He is the All-Wise, Well Acquainted with all things.
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